What Must be Released is not Lost

(theme: Don't forget to let yesterday go)

I’ll never again be
the little girl
crawling around
on callused knees
searching for lost change
under her grandparents couch.

I’ll never again be
the fourth grader
who learned to love
books by means of a teacher
who made words seem
like magic.

I’ll never again be
the thirteen year old
who feel into puppy love
and relished her first morsel
of independence at adolescent summer camp.

I’ll never again be
the newly minted drinker
who capped off who capped
off her legalization
with a double feature,
and of both orgasms
and alcohol than normally permissible.

I’ll never again be
the woman so eager
to prove her employability
to those who don’t
quite grasp why
a 30-something someone
with a college degree
and literary talent doesn’t hold
a 9 to 5 and pay her own way
or at least find a man to pay it for her.
Those in power never made
the ludicrous choice between
financial self-sufficiency and bodily survival
I’m willing to wager.

I will never again
be any previous version
as much as I might
wish I could return to her

But I will carry the lessons
learned by all of these incarnations
forward into my future.

Come Over

(inspired by this awesome Kenny Chesney song of the same name)

You were
the wrong sort person
for me to adore.

Knew that from day,
if not hour,
one.

Think we both
made the correct choice
when we decided not
to reengage in the on again
off again behavior that’s been
us for longer than we care to admit,
even to ourselves.

Sometimes, however, I miss
you exquisiteness,
even though it came
with almost unbearable agony.

Looking Back

(assignment 20a, theme "looking back")

I look back,

my memories of you

calling to me as always.

I see you in dreams,

naked and eager-

your long hair running

between my shower wet

digits.

Its funny when I think

of being with her;

her skinny fame, her crutches,

her hair like yours,

between dry fingers

as I don’t know her

as well as you.

I think

she’s the future.

You’re the past.